Martha Stewart Fau Pas

You've heard, of course, how my kitchen is in a mess during remodeling. And, since I had outpatient surgery, it has been a while since I've cooked a complete meal. I have always loved to cook - even as a teenager. I have missed cooking. Several months ago I found a new recipe that I've been saving to cook one night for Tom. It is Baked Chicken with a twist. Well, actually with a can of Ginger Ale stuck up the hen's rear.

Lovely image, huh? I absolutely LOVE baked chicken (clear your gutter mind, Rucker children). I like good, tender, moist (this is for Andrea) chicken that just falls off the bone. Unfortunately, I have never perfected this technique . . . short of buying a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store. I am determined to find a recipe that works for me. This Ginger-Ale-can-in-the-rear recipe would be my saving grace, I was sure. It marinaded for 8 hours in lots of spices and sauce. Yummy, I could almost taste it.

Also, on the menu last night was collards. While running errands yesterday, I realized that I did not have a cooktop, hence no collards. I called Tom and asked him how much trouble it would be for me to (1) find his camping stove, (2) find the stand for the stove to sit on, and (3) light the stove w/o blowing up my property. Tom quickly said I'd do better using the "eye" on our outdoor gas grill. Again, what were my chances of blowing up my neighborhood. Honestly, as much as I love to cook, I have NEVER lit a gas grill. That's Tom baby. He assured me it was no big deal. He walked me through the steps and presto . . . it worked!

I did put a lid on this pot to keep out leaves and critters.

Also on the menu was cornbread muffins. I have that down to a science, thanks to sweet Betty Boop who used to help out with Mom and Dad. She makes the best cornbread. The crucial ingredients are cornmeal (of course), Crisco, buttermilk and cold water. I knew I was in trouble with I realized I did not have Crisco or buttermilk. Two out of four ingredients should have been a red flag.

The chicken was coming out of the oven and my mouth was salivating! When Tom began to cut into the chicken, he looked up at me with this look of disdain. When he began to saw the chicken like it was a log, I said, "Forget it, we're only having collards and cornbread." I've included a pic of the pathetic chicken. I didn't even take one bite of it. Tom only tasted one piece and said, "Well, at least it has a good flavor." Thanks.

Many times before, Tom and I have enjoyed a supper of only collards and cornbread. So this was not such a big deal. Well, yeah, it really was, but I'm trying to look on the bright side. Would you believe that the cornbread was horrible? Just look for yourself.

This was the crumbliest, ugliest cornbread ever seen by the human eye. You could not even begin to butter a piece because it just crumbled into nothingness.

To say that this supper was underwhelming is the understatement of the century. I ate my cornbread with a spoon, ok? The best was the collards, cooked outside. I think my messy kitchen has messed with my mind.